Remember that i love you

It's been 3 months now.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss MeowMeow.

Some days are better, some days are just full of clouds, threatening to pour over smallest of mention the orange one or evoked memories brought on while vacuming random fur on the floor.

Mostly, I have been burying myself with work, keeping myself occupied that way.

Don't have any mood to talk to anyone.

Even family.

It's one of those phase you either get out of it quickly or you don't.

The day MeowMeow was put down, it had not occured to me that my cat was not going to be there anymore.

Until i got home and bathed and sat on the bed.

That's when i started screaming for god to give me back my cat.

I pretty much screamed the same thing over and over that week.

I didn't care who heard me.

I wanted my cat back so much.

I remembered asking daddy meow if it was my fault - that i didn't love him enough.

And would my furry one still remember me when we meet again one day?

Would he still love me?

Could I have saved him if I had reacted faster?

If i had gone to another vet for second opinion on that fateful day?

Why didn't i hold him one last time?

Why didn't I brush him more?

Those questions still mull in my head, like a broken record.

So many whys.

MeowMeow's ashes sit in a porcelain urn inside his cat tower.

I hated the fact that circumstances brought MeowMeow back to the detested vet.

I hated the fact that my chosen vet did not have the right equipment to diagnose my baby.

But most of all, I hated myself.

I had asked god over and over again to let me keep Poppy.

Poppy's still alive and well, way beyond expectations.

Even though daddy meow and you will pooh-ed and pah-ed at the absurdness of this, somehow I felt that because I wanted so badly to keep Poppy, god took MeowMeow away.

Like a trade off.

A very unfair trade off.

The bond I have with MeowMeow is very different from Poppy.

And it is extremely hard to let another furry one come into my heart.

I miss tha tag-u-are-it games with MeowMeow.

He used to chase me around my dad's house.

Sat with me while i eat my dinner.

Cuddled with me while i watch tv.

Those were good moments.

I miss the little fella.

Yes, he is one of a kind. Very hard to replace.