Precious Poppy

Poppy had an ultrasound today so that we can look at the stones in his kidneys to determine the next course of action.
They have to shave off his belly fur to do the ultrasound.
Poppy has no belly fur now.
It's quite weird, seeing his tummy all exposed.
This little bit of whitish, pinkish skin, sorta like a lizard's tummy.
Prognosis was not good.
All i could remember is how emotionless the vet was while he drone on and on about the ramifications of the entire thing.
I could never be a vet. Cos I could never maintain that poker, emotionless face while talking to patients. I cry too easily.
Suddenly, all those months of watching Grey's Anatomy made sense.
Doing an operation doesn't always guarantee success.
It's a 50-50 gamble.
If i let them cut, Poppy may die from the complications during or post surgery.
He may die this month if I let the vet do it.
If I don't let them cut, Poppy will eventually also die. But that may be a year or more.
My main aim is to keep him with me as long as I can.
That's the hardest part now - to operate and let him struggle to survive or not to operate and let him live happily till the day he goes.

I don't feel like going into the details in this journal.
Not today anyway.
Not for a while.

I never would have thought my cockeyed optimist, happy go lucky, bumbling court jester would have such a serious problem.
Cos he looks so unaffected, so lively still, despite a shaved belly.
I don't know what to do as I still need to see a few more vets.

What am i waiting for?
Perhaps for someone to tell me that it's possible to get rid of kidney stones without cutting up Poppy.
Or that there is some form of non-traditional cure like prayers that could magically dissolve the stones in both kidneys.
Or that it is possible to have such huge stones in kidneys but still live a normal life without complications.

I don't know how much time i have left. Who knows?
All i know is, Poppy's still well and I want to spend as much time with him as i can.