Ramblings

It was only a month ago when I was in bed and realised with a jolt that I had forgotten the anniversary of MeowMeow's death. I had been so preoccupied about my new venture that I had completely forgotten all about it. A huge wave of guilt descended upon me and left me whimpering in tears till wee hours of the morning. It feels like I am forgetting my baby - and if so, would he have forgotten me by now as well? Would he still wait at heaven's door for me? Or was I destined to hell for being such a lousy person in general? Moody, grumpy and curt most of the time. Now, forgetful as well.

I read all my old posts one day and realised I am completely unable to write in that sort of humour anymore. Each time I read an old post, i actually cringe at how happy and naive I sounded then, thinking that my pets will be with me for a long long time. Childish and enveloped in my own warm, furry cocoon where happiness comes in the form of a random headbutt or a wet nose kiss.


Poppy is managing well. And little Le Poo still has some growing 'out' to do. Small head, small body but big tummy. Incredibly good at opening our bedroom door and sauntering nonchalantly in and loves eating PU off my single seater, which by now, is the single most embarrassing furniture - makes it look like we are terribly poor, living with tattered chairs.

And an avid feet and toe nibbler as well.

I really like this touching of feet picture.
2 weeks ago, I woke up thinking of my tortoises. My brother and I had many tortoises as pets when we were young and the last bunch we had were somewhat more special. There was Bubu, who was unlike any tortoise I had ever known. He was surprisingly pale green unlike the ubiquitous dark green shade most tortoises have. Lovely face, most adoring, imploring eyes. Bubu loves sleeping on my lap, on my bed and basically would always crawl towards me when we let him out of the aquarium. One of a kind. Just like MeowMeow.

But it didn't exactly have a happy story at the end. We were growing up and my brother was due to leave for uni overseas. I was just about to enter high school. My father told us one day it was best to let the tortoises go in a nearby lake. I don't exactly remember the gist of it but I do remember clearly till today, me cradling bubu in my hands and him looking at me with trusting eyes as my dad drove us to the lake. And the last look on his face as my dad push him into the lake. I think I cried buckets when I got home.

I always think back and wonder how and why my brother and I agreed so easily to let the tortoises go. Why didn't we put up a fight? Was it that we were too young to argue? I texted my brother 2 weeks ago and asked him that question and he said dad was insistent and we had no voice then. I cried after that, saying to daddy meow it was such a terrible thing to do - you don't just throw your family away just like that. Perhaps that's why I never have good karma as I never stopped my dad from doing so. I just stood by him silently.

I miss Bubu and the rest. But I also recently understand that perhaps it was never right to keep animals like that, even fishes and hamsters in an enclosed space. It is not their nature to be captive animals. I spent years thinking how wrong my dad was when just recently, it dawned to me that perhaps he may be right all along with the best intention of setting them free from captivity. His was a bigger picture vs mine. Perhaps it was for the best. But I will never stop missing them.
Love you Bubu and MeowMeow.
One of a kind.
And Happy Father's Day.