Remember that i love you

It's been 3 months now.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss MeowMeow.

Some days are better, some days are just full of clouds, threatening to pour over smallest of mention the orange one or evoked memories brought on while vacuming random fur on the floor.

Mostly, I have been burying myself with work, keeping myself occupied that way.

Don't have any mood to talk to anyone.

Even family.

It's one of those phase you either get out of it quickly or you don't.

The day MeowMeow was put down, it had not occured to me that my cat was not going to be there anymore.

Until i got home and bathed and sat on the bed.

That's when i started screaming for god to give me back my cat.

I pretty much screamed the same thing over and over that week.

I didn't care who heard me.

I wanted my cat back so much.

I remembered asking daddy meow if it was my fault - that i didn't love him enough.

And would my furry one still remember me when we meet again one day?

Would he still love me?

Could I have saved him if I had reacted faster?

If i had gone to another vet for second opinion on that fateful day?

Why didn't i hold him one last time?

Why didn't I brush him more?

Those questions still mull in my head, like a broken record.

So many whys.

MeowMeow's ashes sit in a porcelain urn inside his cat tower.

I hated the fact that circumstances brought MeowMeow back to the detested vet.

I hated the fact that my chosen vet did not have the right equipment to diagnose my baby.

But most of all, I hated myself.

I had asked god over and over again to let me keep Poppy.

Poppy's still alive and well, way beyond expectations.

Even though daddy meow and you will pooh-ed and pah-ed at the absurdness of this, somehow I felt that because I wanted so badly to keep Poppy, god took MeowMeow away.

Like a trade off.

A very unfair trade off.

The bond I have with MeowMeow is very different from Poppy.

And it is extremely hard to let another furry one come into my heart.

I miss tha tag-u-are-it games with MeowMeow.

He used to chase me around my dad's house.

Sat with me while i eat my dinner.

Cuddled with me while i watch tv.

Those were good moments.

I miss the little fella.

Yes, he is one of a kind. Very hard to replace.

MeowMeow

MeowMeow

2001 - March 27 2009

Lung tumour

A while ago, i saw this scruffy looking orange cat outside our nearby pet shop.

It was orange with a white chest, sorta like a bib that goes all the way down to his belly.

He walked past a few customers outside the shop, stretched in that famous worshipping pose before proceeding to sit in front of the pet shop which i had planned to go into.

I got out of the car, my eyes never left this orange cat.

Walked up to him and meowed.

He meowed back with incredibly intelligent eyes that looked straight into my face.

And i loved him instantly and forever.

I never got to go into the pet store that night.

Cos i already had this orange cat i knew i could not leave behind.

He was mine and mine forever.

Thank you for the lovely 8 years with me.

U are my serendipity.

U didn't chose me, i chosed you.

And i love you from the bottom of my heart.

U are my bestest friend and the one single thing that kept me sane when my parents separated.

U are the reason i worked so hard so that i can give u the best.

U are my angel, my very intelligent baby.

This is the hardest post i have to ever write.

I am so sorry that i failed to notice the signs.

And i am forever sorry that i could not save you.

I never saw this coming and the suddeness had caught me off guard and made my whole world seemed so bleak.

No matter how much i cry and how much i scream at god, he's not going to give you back to me.

It hurts so much.

Somehow, as i lay in bed, my eyes don't seem to want to close.

And memories that flood into my mind are the ones of you when we were still in my dad's house.

That's when you were young and full of vigour.

Please forgive me if i didn't love you enough.

I have done many things and some terrible things just to protect you.

But i guess i didn't protect you well enough.

I would have done anything for you.

And I would give anything in the world just have you back.

I love you too much, if that's possible.

For you are more than a cat to me, you are my baby.

And i love you like how a mother loves her baby.

The one thing i love the most, god took away.

A part of my heart is gone.

Who will cuddle with me, lick my arm and cheer me up when i am down?

I don't think i will be alright for a long time.

But life goes on and i have to be strong for Poppy.

He misses you too.

I love you MeowMeow. U are irreplaceable and I love you forever.

Thank you for holding on so long.

Please remember me always.

We will be together again one day.

Please forgive me.

Cat in moo box

So many pictures so little time. Every time i look at the many photos i have collected over the years of Poppy and MeowMeow and the new ones on Flickr, i feel like writing about the story behind each of those photos but there is just not enough time.

Struggling with workload and my boss' job till july is extremely tough. New organisation, new procedures, new role, new colleagues, new everything. I also blame it on my weak eyes that would no longer want to bear the strain of constantly being in front of the computer, especially at night. Therefore, i have decided to not continue posting on PoppyMeow journal. I have loved every moment of writing nonsensical stuff about the two furry boys and i have enough entries here to last me a lifetime of good memories. And yes, this journal's really actually for me but it also made me happy when people laughed at the stories. I rarely get a lot of comments but it amazes me at times that people from far away places do actually drop by to read and come back.

Poppy's still fine and as adorable as ever. I believe that it is his tough nature that keeps him alive. So I will let this journal stop here so that it's just good memories and not sad ones that might come later. MeowMeow's fat and lazy as usual.

2 furry and loyal babies who will always love me irregardless of my shortcomings.

There are people who i will always be grateful to.
Ellen of Katztales and Sharlene Spice cat mum who are the best in giving me advice and contacts in times of need.
Everycat who offered to send me Katkor and never fails to drop by with a lovely comment. You are an incredibly kind person.
Azra who is just the nicest person - i still remember you.
Lee County Clowder - thank you for your idea.
And to Kaz and Island cats who always offer supportive comments - hope you are well.

And Rachel - thanks for keeping in touch.
To KC of Cat Blogosphere - thank you for putting up my request for advice on Poppy's condition.

I won't be blogging anymore but i will definitely still drop by all your blogs to catch up.
Don't forget me, or rather, Pops and Meow.

Here's one last story which i have been meaning to post up since last year but no time.

I took out 2 boxes eons ago and placed it onto the living room to be thrown. Cos they were old and they were used to store all my illegal dvds which i had also thrown out in 'cleanaholic' spur of the moment. Yes, when i spring clean, i throw everything and later regret it when i need that thing again.

I called them the moo boxes. Cos they resembled cow patches and cows go moo (duh).

It didn't take long before the furry boys swarmed around the moo boxes like sharks circling a prey. Here's Poppy in the box with MeowMeow looking. Eventually both of them ended up pawing each other thru the hole of the box.
Poppy's hairy paw.

Something about boxes and cats. I guess everyone who has a cat can confirm that ALL cats love boxes.

For the fun of it, i put the orange fatty into the box, closed the lid and stuck a cuttlefish strip at the hole.
MeowMeow likes cuttlefish very much. I think sometimes, a bit too much.

Look at the poor face trying to get at the strip but can't.

It's fun to watch cats in boxes but more fun to see how they try to get to their fav tid bit while in a box. After much whimpering and pawing and extending his arm like plastic man thru the hole, i finally let him out.

Auw, poor thing. Anything for cuttlefish strips.

He does fit in very snugly into the box. Look at the tail.

Yes, MeowMeow eventually got to eat the cuttlefish strips. The moo boxes are long gone now but they were well 'abused' by the boys before they were thrown out. Who needs expensive cat toys?

This is mummymeow signing off and wishing everyone to always love and cherish their pets.
Do stay in touch and drop me an email if you wish to at sheueyin@gmail.com
I will be glad to hear from you.
Bye for now.

I have no head Part 3

Beheaded.

Random musings

Am staring at the ceiling fan for the umpteenth time.
It doesn’t go clunk clunk clunk like the old fans. It just spins quietly.
I stare at it when I can’t think. Spinning, spinning, feeling it’s centrifugal motion and the blast of cold air around my chilled body.
But yet, I don’t have the sense to envelop myself with a wrap or blanket. I sit here, crunching work numbers, yet at the same time, my mind wanders…..
I am not a disciplined worker. Not like mother. Mother always say, work first, finish it. Then only play. But I want to play all the time. I chew on the tip of my pen. Numbers on my screen seem more confusing today than last year. Look at the fan again.

I have become slothful. Nonplussed about a lot of matters. Has the routine of the job finally caught up with me? Or have I suddenly become naughty? The perennially perfect, responsible me has rebelled? Have I balked at my responsibilities? Am I bored?

No, this can’t be it. I continue to work with renewed fervor………..only to stop short and stare at the fan again. The fan is the core of evil. It sucks my energy, drains my brain.

The tiger sleeps. Not far away, the hirsute lion is also in deep, peaceful slumber. Fur billowing in the afternoon air, stirred by the evil fan. The fan makes every being sleepy. That’s why there is no ceiling fan in offices.

Ocassionally, my sighs and the clicks of my mouse stir the two beasts. They open their eyes enough to peer at me. Once in a while, one would skulk towards me, jumping up to investigate this strange being who is never at this place at this hour. This being usually appears in their midst when the sun sets in the distant horizon and disappears when the sun rises. The tiger occasionally licks this being’s hand and bites it lovingly. It’s distracting but yet brings a smile to my face.

I stare at the fan again. Time to make sense of the numbers.

Happy Chinese New Year.

T-Shirts to raise fund for Yvonne Foong

I have been asked by KatzTales to post this up. I have heard of Yvonne Foong from the local papers and I am impressed and very much at awe of this gutsy girl. She needs help now. Kindly help by buying her T-Shirts or spreading this news.

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Please help Yvonne Foong save her eye by buying one of her T-shirts. Yvonne is one of KatzTales' neighbours.

To explain what's going on, this stolen from the Facebook page:"For a good part of her youth, Yvonne Foong has had to battle Neurofibromatosis(NF), an illness of the nervous system that causes benign tumors to grow in her body. There is currently no known cure for NF.This brave young lady has decided to fight her condition , by obtaining funds using her own resources and effort. The recurrence of tumors in her body has only fortified her resilience . She has turned her condition into her prime motivation to help others like her battle their medical condition.A former recipient of the AYA Dream Malaysia Most Outstanding Youth of the Year Award, Yvonne aspires to be a a Psychologist and therapist providing support to children who face similar conditions to her own.All she asks, is that you buy her self designed T-Shirt for RM 15 (USD4.40) , which she hopes would provide her with the funds to Save Her Eye.To place an order, send your preferred sizes and postal address to mailto:yvonnefmn@gmail.com.

Payment may be made by direct bank transfer."

Please place an order today.

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Sorry am late in posting this up. Did not check my blog for 1 week, just catching up on rest and work.

I will be back soon with a story on Poppy and MeowMeow soon.

Happy New Year and hope all is well.